


Heavy Words, Gentle Man

by blueoleandar93



Series: How To Save The Entire Conceivable Universe and Over Throw Its Leader: a Guide Written by Three Dumbasses and Their Toddler [2]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Castiel is Jack Kline's Parent, Dean Winchester is Jack Kline's Parent, Episode: s15e13 Destiny’s Child, Family Feels, Family Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Post-Episode: s15e13 Destiny's Child, Pre-Slash, Romantic Comedy, Season/Series 15, Season/Series 15 Spoilers, The Impala (Supernatural)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-13
Updated: 2020-04-13
Packaged: 2021-03-02 01:48:20
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,642
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23617027
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/blueoleandar93/pseuds/blueoleandar93
Summary: After a night of watching over his sleeping child, Castiel wanders the halls of the Bunker. He didn't expect Dean to wait up for him. But, boy, is Castiel glad he did. They really needed to talk.15x13 Coda // Week 2 // #SpnStayAtHome Prompt: Gentleman
Relationships: Castiel/Dean Winchester
Series: How To Save The Entire Conceivable Universe and Over Throw Its Leader: a Guide Written by Three Dumbasses and Their Toddler [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1691902
Comments: 12
Kudos: 149





	Heavy Words, Gentle Man

Jack woke again around three in the morning, groaned and yawned with exhaustion. His eyes were swollen and puffy after a night spent crying. He wiped his face with his sleeve, sitting up to look at Castiel in surprise, "Whoa, Dad! What are you doing??"

Castiel blinked calmly. He'd been watching over Jack from a stool he had taken from the kitchen, sitting right beside his bed. The young nephil pressed hand to his chest to slow his breathing, sharp intakes from the startling moment. He clearly hadn't been expecting the angel. Strange. He'd been here all night, keeping his son safe. Why would he leave without saying goodbye to him? 

"It's creepy when you stare at me like that." Jack glared from the bed, blonde hair all fuzzy with wavy curls.

Castiel smiled a bit, "Good morning, Jack. I didn't mean to startle you."

The boy reminded him of Dean when he wakes up, all whining and grumpiness. Dean says he doesn't like being watched over much either, but according to Sam, he went to five garage sales to find the perfect resting chair for Castiel to sit in while he sleeps. When Cas first laid eyes on Dean's chair, the hunter was shy and a bit standoffish about it. The chair was always clean and empty unless Castiel was sitting in it. It was a strong dark mahogany wood behemoth with incredible back support, and sat in the same spot for years, turned at an angle towards Dean Winchester's bed. Every now and then, Cas takes a seat. They'd talk long into the night, and eventually the beautiful hunter would drift away, lulled into a still and quiet slumber. Castiel cringed at how warm that made him feel inside. 

Jack rolled his sleepy eyes at his father and pushed himself out of bed. The nephil left a small pile of long white feathers scattered in the center of the bed. His soul and grace are fusing. His wings are growing steadily. Soon, his fledgling feathers will be bigger and stronger than he could possibly comprehend. 

Castiel noted the positivity of the situation. His son is feeling a bit better. Still very broken up, but he knows he has the love of his parents now. The cracks and wounds in his soul have been healing bit by bit. When Jack grows to understand and love himself, he will realize that things will be okay. Until then, he has his fathers.

The boy yawned as he pushed his feet into a pair of plain black slippers, "I'm going to the bathroom."

Castiel nodded, "I'll be waiting right here."

Jack sighed, turning to look tiredly at his father, "Cas, I get it. Thank you. For being there for me."

"Of course."

"But, you have something to do." Jack replied knowingly, folding his arms over his cozy grey sweater, "And you're avoiding it."

"Jack. You don't understand--"

"Oh, I definitely understand, Dad." Jack stared back at his father. He stood firm. Castiel knew when he was being kicked out of a room. He'd picked up a sensitivity to that particular tension years ago, much to Sam and Dean's chagrin. The angel heaved himself from the chair. He stood cautiously, looking his son steadily in the eyes. The nephil looked back. 

Castiel pushed his hands into his pockets. He said simply, "I'm not avoiding him."

Jack stared flatly at his dad, "Seriously?"

Castiel nodded.

"Dean asked you to watch the stars with him last night, and you spent hours staring at me instead of running to him and telling him how you feel--"

Castiel rubbed his temple, sighing deeply, "Jack. I'll give you your space. But, some things are too complicated... the bond between Dean and I has been tested more than you could possibly imagine. The ways in which we've hurt each other would break your heart. And when I saw the Empty yesterday, we spoke. It's watching, Jack. If for some inane reason Dean feels the same way I do, sharing my feelings with him could have consequences. We're in war. I can't afford to make that sacrifice. And we can't afford to lose a soldier."

Jack looked absolutely devastated. His face fell, chin drooping as he breathed out, "But, Dad, you deserve--"

"Do I?" Castiel asked sharply. He noticed quickly that it was the wrong thing to say and the worst way to say it. But, he didn't know how to rope it back into his mouth.

"Whatever." Jack said wistfully, turning to make his way toward the door. He walked slowly. The nephil paused after opening it, hovering by the door. "Please at least answer his prayer. Even if you're just gonna thank him for the sandwiches. He asked to see you. You stood him up. He would want you to apologise or he's going to get all grumpy like he did on that vampire nest case in Camden when you booked the wrong motel."

Castiel gasped. The kid remembered that?

"I'll see you in the morning." Jack finished, closing the door behind him. 

"Jack, wait!" Castiel called out.

The door opened and an annoyed nephil popped his head into the room, "What?"

Castiel offered, "Are you sure you're really alright? If I go, and you truly need me... I wouldn't forgive myself."

Jack glared at the angel. He looked away sharply, glancing down at his feet. The boy pushed the door open, stomping over to his father in his socks. He refused to give Cas eye contact as he stomped his feet dramatically through his room, leaving a trail of white feathers in his path. Jack ran into his father, giving him a big hug. The boy squeezed him tight. It was like he was holding on for dear life. Castiel smiled and patted his head, "I love you too, Jack. Sorry I raised my voice."

"So annoying." Jack muttered into Castiel's coat, gold tipped feathers falling from his sweater. He pushed Cas's chest as he stepped out of the hug, "You're not off the hook. Talk to Dean."

And with that, he was gone. Castiel looked around the room at all of the scattered feathers, dipping to his knees to pick them up by the handful after his son practically slammed the door behind him. One, two, seven, fifteen, twenty two, thirty six, thirty seven, thirty eight, thirty nine feathers. Castiel pulled open an unused drawer in Jack's dresser and dumped the feathers in. They'll deal with that later. Best keep those in the house. Any number of witches, demons, and beasties out there would kill for an archangelic nephilim feather. He shudders to think what spells they'd cast with it.

Castiel turned quietly in the empty room. Well, now that Jack's bedroom is tidy he has to leave. Darn. When did that child get so clever? 

The angel strolled out of the room in a huff, coat billowing behind him as he took to the halls. Castiel paced hard, shoes tapping against the tile as he took step after step. It's past three in the morning. Dean's probably asleep. Jack was right. Castiel stood him up. 

He stopped walking for a moment and cursed quietly to himself. He told himself he'd stop abandoning the man when his feelings got too strong. But this was a serious situation, Dean would understand. Jack was in pain. Their son needed him. Castiel shook his head and started walking again. 

That was Castiel's greatest excuse yet to avoid Dean. He had to though. If he didn't, what would have happened? They'd sneak off into the Impala and drive twenty minutes down the road to that nice wheat field Dean likes. There, the sky was clear and for miles there would be nothing but flat land and home grown farms. No people, no traffic, no noise. Just the two of them in nature. The stars shone so brightly, they were mesmerizing. And Dean could watch them for hours, freckles mimicking their constellations under the moonlight. He would look beautiful. So very beautiful. Castiel may find himself a victim of the Empty in minutes. 

Dean Winchester is so pretty that Castiel could actually die. 

The angel scoffed at that thought, almost wanting to spit it out. For years, he's loved that human more than the grace in his vessel's veins. Now that they finally have a domestic partnership and are raising a child together -- now that Castiel is within grasp of getting everything he ever wanted -- he's stuck with a primordial NDA. He just wants one day where things might not crash down around him. One day to be happy. He knew exactly where he would go, what he would do, who he would kiss, and how he'd love him.

Castiel walked and walked and walked until he reached the corner of the Bunker. With nowhere else to turn, he made a complete 180°. Back the other end, he supposed. It's 3:09am. It's 3:09am. He walked some more, gliding through the halls until he reached that door. That room. Oh. That's it. Where Castiel would go. It wasn't far at all.

The angel stared hard at the giant wooden barrier, feeling shut out. He wished he was behind that door, enjoying the human on the other side of it. Dean would be so warm. So soft. Oh, how he'd bury himself in years of pent up forbidden emotion -- how passionately he'd get aquatinted with that memory foam with a hot blooded human in hand. Or mouth. Or whatever else goes on in the private alphabetized archives of confusing adult media that Dean refuses to let him look at. Castiel doesn't even care what Dean would ask of him. He'll do anything, no matter the depravity. He'll act like a complete dunce with no hesitation. He just wants to feel loved by the Righteous Man.

It would be so easy to open that door, wake the sleeping beauty, and do it. Kissing him would be effortless. He's seen the way Dean watches him. He's seen him lick that beautiful, pouty lower lip. Dean must be thinking about it. Sometimes he can feel him, longing and tortured and feverish. Maybe if Cas wishes enough, if he kisses him hard and holds him tight and confesses everything, Dean might not cast him out for it. But, if Dean rejects him, the shame would be enough to keep him free from the Empty until the end of time. Imagine being the angel who turned his back on his home while it crashed and burned to follow a man that doesn't even love him. There aren't even enough angels around to laugh at him. They'd all been wiped out during Raphael's war, or died in the Great Fall, or fell victim to a stabbing between the factions. Castiel flicked those dominoes and one by one they fell, leaving Heaven on the brink of disaster. All because Castiel loved Dean Winchester enough to break it and run away with him forever.

Castiel turned his back on the door. Fuck. Stupid, stupid celestial.

Dean's voice suddenly echoed through his head. He's praying. Now. It's 3:11am.

> _I can see your shadow under my door. Creep_.

He'd been discovered. 

So, Dean isn't asleep. Castiel grew anxious. He didn't want to grab the doorknob, but he was already pushing himself into the room with barely a moment's notice. He shuffled in, shutting the door behind him quietly. 

Meanwhile, Dean had been drinking Jim Beam, eating the extra bacon he made for himself from Jack's BLT, and watching a movie on his laptop. Dean looked up from where he had his feet kicked up on the bed, "Kid kept you busy the whole night, huh?"

Castiel replied, "Most of it. Finally got him to stop crying a bit ago. I just wanted to watch over him for a little while longer. To be sure he could sleep. Not being there for Jack isn't an option anymore. Plus, I'm worried he might pass the Occultum in a few hours. Wouldn't be easy on the boy."

"Whoa, you think he might shit it out?" Dean chuckled, taking a sip and setting down his tumbler on the bedside table, "That would suck."

Castiel shrugged, "He did swallow it whole. It's worth millions. Be quite a shame if he flushed it."

Dean stared blankly at him, "So, you're telling me you'd sift through the pile of..."

Castiel replied, "It's the Garden of Eden, Dean. Of course I would."

Dean glanced up, pretty green eyes flicking up toward the angel as he laughed aloud, "You're a good father."

Castiel scoffed, "I don't know about that. He's seen more in the first three years of his life than anyone should in all their days. I just wish I could have protected him better."

"It's not that, Cas. He's Lucifer's lovechild, the world was gunning for him before he was even born. Us included. He was never gonna have it easy." Dean shook his head, stating clearly, "It's... the way you care. I mean, even soulless and raving mad, Jack was certain that you loved him and had his back. That's how dads should be." 

"Dean."

"I mean it." Dean said simply, standing from the bed in his jeans and tee shirt. He walked over to his boots, slipping his socked feet in and lacing them up. "If my dad gave half the fucks you did, I probably wouldn't have dropped out of high school."

Castiel felt his head turn in confusion as the human finished tying his shoes. Dean grabbed his flannel and his jacket. Castiel blinked, "Dean, it's the middle of the night. Where are you going?"

Dean took Cas by the lapel and pulled him into the hallway, "To see the stars. Is your prayer box full? Come on."

Castiel followed him with absolutely no resistance. "Alright."

* * *

That's how Castiel ended up in the middle of a wheat field, on top of the Impala's hood, gazing at the stars beside the Righteous Man. 

Dean's shoulder found its way against Castiel's as they admired Orion's Belt. The angel could map out all of Cassiopeia on the freckles on Dean's forearm. So, he did. Lifting the human's arm up and pulling at the sleeve, Castiel pointed at the sky. Dean watched with this warm content smile on his face. 

The stars stretched out, glistening and bright. Castiel showed Dean how the universe cast itself across his skin. Dean listened, wide eyes. He watched as Castiel's finger traveled up and around his arm. The stars twinkled and shone in the distance as the quiet of the night wrapped them up like a blanket. 

Dean's hair smelled nice. Like oak and gun oil and warmth. Castiel's heart was beating in his chest so hard that for a moment he felt human again. Leaves from a nearby tree blew over, twirling in the sky. One of them soared through the wind, landing in Castiel's jacket. Dean reached over with his free hand and picked it away, smoothing his fingers over the trench for a moment.

He stared into the open field as Cas drew constellations on his arm with his finger, "You know, I don't think I liked how that Posh Spice Dean was looking at ya yesterday. Like you were a centerfold or something, not... an angel, not Cas. All that money can't buy class, I'll tell you that. Glad he's out of our hair."

Castiel replied smugly, "I don't know, I rather liked the attention. And the outfit."

"Dick." Dean laughed out as he looked out at the sky for a long moment before turning his head to the angel.

Castiel nodded, adding with a firm tone, "Yes. His was huge."

Dean swiped his hand back to push at Cas, "Oh, shut it, you. We are completely identical."

Castiel teased, "You sound very sure."

Dean rolled his eyes, "You think I wouldn't check? Please. The second we got a free moment, we dragged each other into the bathroom to confirm. Same girth, length, curve, all of it. That dumb little Ken Doll has everything of mine but the tats and the six pack."

Castiel gave Dean a strange look, "Six pack?"

Dean complained, "I regret taking you out here."

"No, you don't." Castiel said knowingly. He looked back, asking, "Have you thought of what you want to say to Jack yet?"

Dean had no idea.

He sighed, looking up at the sky, "I can't tell him 'its okay' or 'I forgive you' because I'll never forget what he did to my mom. And I know he didn't mean it, and it wasn't really him. But it was still him, you know?"

Castiel answered sincerely, "Yes."

"I didn't even get to say goodbye to her. There... there were things I wanted to say to my mother before I lost her again, Cas." Dean looked over, finally catching the angel's eyes, "There's stuff going on with me. And not lately either, like my whole life. I've been too ashamed to even talk about it, because I knew no one I loved would understand. Chances are they'd hate it -- hate me. But, as I got older and I became a parent, I realized that what I was feeling wasn't as awful as I thought it was. I wasn't bad or disgusting. I was just different." 

Castiel rubbed Dean's shoulder to calm him down as the human continued.

"I realized that... if Jack told me what I wanted to tell my mom, I would give him the biggest hug I could and make sure he knew that everything was okay. That's when I knew I had to talk to her. Because I knew she'd want me to be happy. She'd want me to feel comfortable enough to be myself around her. And I wanted so badly to be myself around her. I'd been working up to it, actually. Telling mom." Dean started to laugh bitterly, "If you can believe it, I booked us lunch reservations. Once every two weeks, for almost a year. Kept losing my nerve. That's on me. I know she's not my dad, but they were both was raised in the 70's, so I knew that I wanted to tell her when she was sitting down -- in public and in broad daylight and definitely away from Sam. Just in case she made a scene like Dad would." Dean sighed, eyes heavy with weariness. "And now she's gone again. For good. It's like she was brought back to get to know her kids, but she left before I could tell her who I am."

Castiel hung his head, "I'm so sorry, Dean."

"Me too." Dean said bitterly, staring up at the stars above them, "But, my kid is back there now. He's not in the same situation as I was with my parents, but I can feel what he's feeling. I know that pain. There's a wall between us. He's hurting because he knows what he took from me, but he needs me. I want to comfort him. I do. I'm just so scared that forgiving him would mean I'm flipping off Mom's memory. She deserves to be respected. And here I am coddling her killer -- feeding him, housing him, I'm closer than ever to his friggin father. Dad would slap me into next month. But, I can't help it. I care about Jack. I've known him since the day he was born. And that boy.... he's got a good heart, Cas. I've seen it." Dean breathed shallowly, "We weren't perfect, but we were a family once. The four of us. I just want everything to be okay again."

Castiel placed his hand on Dean's knee, "It will be. Someday. I promise. We just have to get through this together. No one left behind. No one shut out."

Dean worried, breath picking up in his chest, "I just dunno how to say it. I can't... talk to him cuz I'm just... I don't even know what's gonna come out. And you know me. You know I can be a dick without meaning too. It wasn't him that did what he did. I get what it is to be out of control, Cas. But if I don't punish him for this, then I let him kill -- not only my mother -- but my dad's wife. Her death ended him! What kind of monster does that make me if I keep raising Jack?"

"Dean, respectfully, your father's not here. Anymore." Castiel said softly, keeping his words steady and honest but coated with love, "You're your own man. You have a son, now. It's up to you how you want to proceed with him. John isn't lording over your shoulder, criticising you, doubting you, telling you who to be. This is your family. That bunker is our home because you made it so. You're the head of that household. Me, Sam, Jack... at the end of the day, all of us look to you. You know we do. We trust you, because you've earned it from all of us. Now, you have to trust yourself, Righteous Man. You choose your actions. You decide your worth. This is still your life, Dean. I know the kind of father you can be. I know you love your child. I know you don't want to use your words with him, but if you want to be a family again, Jack needs to hear that before he believes you. Are you going to tell him?"

The human lifted his chin, looking up at his angel with wonder as he leaned back against the hood of the Impala.

Castiel asked, "What do you want to say to Jack?"

Hand in his hair and eyes shifting back to the stars above, Dean breathed out hard, eyes wet, "That I'm sorry. I'm sorry we brought him back with that Rent-A-Seraph shit spell that burned him out. I'm sorry I dragged him along with us on cases. He was way too young to have that much pressure on him. I'm sorry I let him sacrifice himself to save us. I'm sorry I fucked him over, and put him in impossible situations, a-and then rejected him while he burned away because I was too self-absorbed to see it happening. I... I tricked him, I lied, I tried to kill him." Dean muttered out, "I'm sorry he needs me."

Castiel shook his head, sighing, "Dean...."

"I never wanted this! To be his dad! When Sam and I got to the house, it was bad timing! We didn't know he was being born! Him and I just happened because I'm the hunter that found him!" Dean pushed himself up. He rested his elbows on his knees and hid his face in his hands, "And, I'm bad at it! You saw all those tears! I was useless! I left him, and I'm the one that made him like this!"

Castiel stated into the wheat field, "You didn't make him cry, Dean. He was buried under the weight of his sins. I thought you'd be able to relate."

Dean asked, "If we had been good at our job, he wouldn't have so many sins to cry about."

Castiel rubbed his palm against Dean's shoulder, "We can blame ourselves all day, Dean, but what's done is done. He's intact now. His soul is restored. There's hope again. He can grow and be better. He can save us all. But he needs to feel cared for, capable, strong. He needs his fathers. Right now. You're right. We failed him. But Billie gave us a new test. This is a chance to fix it. Do you want to fix it?"

Dean looked back over his shoulder at the angel, "More than anything."

Castiel reached into his pocket and fished out his cellphone. He handed it over to Dean. "Call your son."

Dean's fingers closed around the phone, Castiel's hand under his, gripping for support. The hunter stared back into the angel. They did this for a long moment. Soaking in each other in the moonlight. Dean set the phone down and tugged Castiel in by his wrist. The angel followed. 

He was quiet. Didn't say a word as the wind rolled through the wheat field, ruffling the grass and the leaves in the trees. His skin was warm, damp with nervousness. Green eyes met blue. Dean leaned in and kissed him warmly on the cheek, hands buried in those soft dark curls as both of them breathed in the moment. Dean kissed his cheek once more. When he pulled back, he was a bit red in the face. Nervous and beautiful in the moonlight, Dean scratched anxiously behind his neck and said, "Sorry. I shouldn't have... you're right. I uh... I'll do it."

Dean did call him. It was almost four in the morning. Jack answered quickly. From the sound of it, the nephil had gotten into the kitchen cupboards. The unmistakable snap-crackle-pop stuttered over the line as Dean apologized. Castiel just sat by and listened. 

Dean didn't pour his heart out the way his brother Sam did. He was gruff. Short. But, he offered himself up. Dean gave Jack honesty and assured him that he had nothing to worry about concerning his family. They were a unit, and that was final. He said not to eat all the cereal because he's cooking breakfast for them a little after sun up, and it's going to be "legendary". A special family breakfast. Sam, Cas, and little Jack are all due at the breakfast table by 7:30 sharp. No excuses.

Dean switched sides with the phone, listening to his son as he decided to place a grateful hand on Cas's knee. Castiel covered Dean's hand with his own. Dean looked up, suddenly. Their fingers slid together as they stared into each other's eyes. Gosh, that pull between them was almost magnetic. It felt so full and pure and real. He could feel the hunter's heartbeat through his palm. It was quick. Unsteady. Dean glanced down to Castiel's mouth, and that one look practically lit the angel on fire. 

The hunter suddenly stammered out into the phone, "Uh, yeah! Yeah, Jack. I'm still here, buddy. Go on." Dean nodded along to the boy, still watching his angel. Castiel rubbed his thumb along the back of his hand, encouraging the communication. 

Turns out it took all of five minutes to close the seemingly irreparable rift between Dean and his son. Jack promised his fidelity to his family, apologizing sincerely for his wrongdoing, and swearing to stay close and honest. The boy truly missed his grandmother. That's all that Dean really wanted to hear. 

Castiel watched as a tear pushed it's way down Dean's cheek as he listened to Jack talk. The hunter cried silently and bitterly, casting a near murderous glare at Cas. He promised quietly that he wouldn't tell anyone that Dean got choked up, clearly that was the man's biggest concern. The angel reached into his jacket for a handkerchief. He leaned forward with his free hand, dabbing away the salty tears from Dean's face with the soft blue cloth. 

He laughed loudly as the angel cleaned him up. Turns out Cas is quite meticulous with a handkerchief. Cas was leaning in with deep concentration on his face as he wiped away the tears. Dean slowed his laughter to explain to Jack on the phone, "Sorry, kid, it's just your dad. We needed to take a little drive, but don't worry, we'll be home before you know it. What were you sayin?" 

Castiel surveyed the hunter's face sternly for any stray tears he may have missed.

Taking the handkerchief from Castiel, Dean patted under his own eyes and pulled the phone from his ear, "Such a gentleman, Cas. Thank you."

"You're welcome."


End file.
